Drifting without an Anchor
by Glaux Bryonia
Summary: Ace woke with the memories of Marineford burning behind his eyelids, and the Mera Mera no Mi beside him. They were in the middle of the sea with no ship in sight, and for some reason, Ace wasn't sinking.


**... I had sad feels, okay. So here I am, sharing them.**

* * *

Ace woke with a gasp so sharp and deep it felt like it tore his chest in two. He curled up, clutching his pain close. Luffy- He was- That_\- _No, no, _his little brother-_

The shock hit him hard and fast, and he was lost.

It took him long, aching minutes filled with uncontrollable sobs and thoughts chasing each other like maddened dogs before he realized his hands rested against his sternum.

The sternum that shouldn't be there anymore. A sternum that should be _burning_. Ace clenched his eyes shut, and tried to stifle the hysteria that was clogging up his lungs.

His hands pressed a bit closer against the gaping hole that should be in his chest. All that met him was the normal resistance of muscle and bone. Not even the slickness of blood greeted him.

Still shaking like a reed in a storm wind, he slowly uncurled his spine.

He didn't dare glance down, and called himself a hundred kinds of coward for it.

But he _couldn't._ couldn't see- Couldn't face- Couldn't _bear_ to acknowledge what his bones knew to be true.

_He had broken his promise to his little brother. _

But the flesh beneath the tentative touch of his fingers was whole.

It took him a long, long time, but finally he bit his lip, set his shoulders, and determinedly looked down.

The result was quite anticlimactic.

There was nothing of note to see.

Slowly, with his eyes narrowed in disbelief, Ace felt at the place where, last he remembered, only searing pain and molten rock had resided. Pain so great it had soon become a sort of numbness, a kind of painlessness on the other side of agony. A pain so great his nerves had no longer been able to express it, and had thus silenced their screaming.

That numb silence had allowed him to speak his last words despite the red ruin his lungs had become.

There was no numbness now, though after so much pain, it almost seemed there was. But Ace could feel his fingers pressing against skin. Not just from his fingertips, but from the pressure on his chest and the indent of his nails above the bone.

He wheezed, too stunned to do anything more.

It didn't hurt.

_It didn't_ _hurt._

Why didn't it hurt?

… Had… Had he imagined it?

In all his bewilderment and heartache, he never even realized that what he was laying on was neither wood nor sand.

XXX(xxxx)XXX(xxxx)XXX(xxxx)XXX

The next few days consisted of a lot of floundering and confusion, and sincerely questioning whether he had lost his mind somewhere in Impel Down. That, or had fallen asleep and somehow ended up in a dream that was both incredibly detailed, and took way too long to pass.

Because, as far as the eye could see, there were only waves. Gently bobbing waves, reflecting the blue of the sky above, and utterly unconcerned with the sheer _weirdness _that had become Ace's life.

For some reason, Ace wasn't sinking, despite that there was neither land nor ship beneath his feet to keep him from a watery death. There was no hunger plaguing him, and thirst absolutely failed to make an appearance against all common sense and decency. Ace watched the rise and setting of the sun and moon and no matter how clear it was that time was passing, his bodily needs were conspicuous by their absence.

It made _no _sense. No sense at all.

Oh, and an orange fruit he vaguely remembered having seen before was floating beside him. It _looked_ like his own Devil Fruit, from the few details he could remember, but last he knew, there was no way for a Fruit to respawn while the user was still around.

It was baffling. Almost baffling enough to make him forget about Marineford. But nothing in the _world _could make him forget about Marineford. He was still regularly freaking out about Marineford, in fact. Because that had been his _family _down there, and his little brother behind him, and _what happened after he fell?_

He was serious about the question whether he was dreaming. Because this was a _nightmare._

Still. The puzzle that was his strange aliveness was quite distracting regardless.

As the days lengthened into weeks and the closest he got to solid land were the ghosts of islands in the distance, the puzzle started to occupy more and more of his time, if only so he could quit agonizing over his family and little brother for a moment. The one time a news coo had passed by the stupid bird had ignored him entirely. And for some reason his flames had refused to answer his call, so he never got a look at the latest newspaper.

He was denied even a hint at what might have happened to his family, to his _little brother_. Because for some reason his powers were gone, and there were no people in sight. Not a single soul that might give him a clue to what happened.

The questions were driving him _insane_, so mysterious aliveness puzzle it was.

Dreaming seemed the only explanation, but it didn't feel like the _right _explanation, so Ace was left to struggle with his conundrum.

In no time, that was driving him insane as well.

He couldn't touch things. Couldn't touch his fruit, or the sea. He couldn't feel the wind on his skin or the wetness of a wave as it washed around his feet. Not the sun's warmth or the torrential downpour of a Grand Line storm. It was like he was caught in a never-ending nightmare. No matter what he did, he could not wake up, and neither could he leave. As if his very bones were linked to the Devil Fruit in the water, and did not allow him to move beyond a set range of just about fifty meters or so.

He had no choice but to be pulled along, watching the world without experiencing it, helpless like a leaf in the grip of the inexorable tide.

It was like he was nothing but a ghost cast adrift.

XXX(xxxx)XXX(xxxx)XXX(xxxx)XXX

Waves whispered across sand. Pushing it this way and that, like a child playing around with its food. A tiny crab scuttled across the wet grains.

Ace stared dully at the endless motions. His Fruit had finally washed ashore. But it had been two weeks already, two weeks of sitting here and doing nothing. And wildlife aside, there was nothing to do but watch the tides rise and fall on this tiny godforsaken, uninhabited, middle-of-nowhere bit of beach. He could not even reach the jungle that was only a small distance away.

It was mind-numbingly dull.

He had already tried everything. There was nothing he could touch. Nothing he could even _feel_. The only thing he still felt were his emotions. At this point, that only made this whole situation more excruciating. To be able to feel all his frustration and anger and worry, and not being able to _do _anything about it, while boredom slowly tore his mind to pieces. While he was limited to the space around his Devil Fruit, like a feral beast in a cage he couldn't escape, and the world around him a tantalizing promise entirely out of reach.

It gave a whole new meaning to the concept of 'Hell'.

Not even throwing tantrums and screaming was satisfying anymore. They never lasted long enough to relieve him of his boredom.

At this point, Ace could no longer even pretend to deny the truth. He was dead, well and truly, and for some reason, was now forced to haunt his reborn Devil Fruit. He wished that if he had to haunt _anything_, it would have been his little brother, or someone of his crew. Even haunting his own grave had to be more interesting than this, because people came to talk at graves, didn't they? At least then he would not be stuck in this hopeless, endless, uncertainty.

But even the worst kind of uncertainty became dull after a while, and at this point, it had turned into a numbness that only ate at Ace if he allowed himself to think about it. He got a lot of practice not allowing himself.

All he could do was wait for this long vigil to be over. He had no idea when that would be though, though he hoped it wouldn't take centuries.

It had only been a handful of weeks, a few months at most since he had found himself lost at sea, but Ace was already starting to forget what living felt like.

He had no idea how long he would remain sane like this. He just prayed that something would happen before he completely lost it.

XXX(xxxx)XXX(xxxx)XXX(xxxx)XXX

His prayer for something to happen might have been a bit foolish, Ace admitted to himself. He was back out on the ocean after a powerful wave had washed the Mera Mera no Mi back out to open waters with the falling tide. The open ocean was even duller than the island had been, and Ace had never thought he would say that.

He loved the ocean, no doubt about that, but the things that had made the ocean so very interesting weren't there. No ship, no crew, nothing and no one to keep him company. No islands to explore and keep his mind busy.

He loved the ocean, but more for the things she had brought him than the endless expanse of her horizon or the repetitiveness of her waves. Oceanic storms were interesting, but those were few and far between with nothing to make the time pass faster.

Before long, he slipped into an almost comatose state, so close to sleep he could almost touch it. But as a ghost he couldn't sleep anymore, which was just plain unfair. He wouldn't be this bored if he could sleep some of the most tedious hours away. The closest he could come was turning off his mind and just stare into the distance like a zombie.

Several months later, he was so close to perfecting the technique he almost missed the ship in the distance. It didn't come near, which was frustrating, but it gave Ace some hope. Maybe, if his Fruit was found, he could finally find out what happened at Marineford after he died.

Because he was absolutely sure he had perished in that cursed war now. He didn't even need the memory of the massive hole in his chest to know it. He had doubted it for a while even after he decided he was a ghost, his dulled mind tricking him in believing this was all false. But no dream lasted this long, not even a coma patient's dream, and there was no comfort in allowing himself the delusion.

He was well and truly _stuck._

How long would it be, Ace wondered morbidly, before someone found him?

How long would it be, before he lost his mind?

XXX(xxxx)XXX(xxxx)XXX(xxxx)XXX

As it turned out, being found took a long time. But not long enough, Ace thought with dismay as he watched who, exactly, found his Fruit. He might even prefer insanity over being found by someone like this.

A lacky of Do-_bloody_-flamingo, the Shichibukai and king of Dressrosa.

_At least it was not Teach? _a tiny voice in the back of his head offered tentatively.

Ace scoffed to himself. Doflamingo was only marginally better than Teach. Doflamingo was a bastard and a creep, but he supposed that at least the Shichibukai had never killed any of the people Ace cared about.

… As far as he knew anyway…

Eh, if he did it at Marineford he did it as an enemy. As much as the thought made Ace want to burn something, that was _still_ better than Teach. At least Doflamingo hadn't pretended to be their brother.

Then Doflamingo announced the tournament, and Ace seriously debated changing his mind. After he had exploded in the worst fit of godawful temper tantrum he'd ever had since he was a child (being a ghost had destroyed his maturity at this point, much to his regret). He didn't want his Fruit to be some bloody _prize_, damnit!

No one noticed. As always.

XXX(xxxx)XXX(xxxx)XXX(xxxx)XXX

The tournament was awful and made Ace's skin crawl, but as the preparations progressed, it also gave him the hope that this endless vigil would finally be over.

He mourned what he did not know, never having gotten an answer about what happened to his brother.

He learned that it had been two years since his death at Marineford, but nothing else. The paper he had glimpsed the date of had held no headline that told him anything significant. Nothing about the Whitebeard Pirates or the Strawhats. No mention of his little brother.

It was unbearably frustrating, to be around people but unable to speak to them. But at this point, if it would set him free, he supposed he could live with it.

It was not like he had a choice.

XXX(xxxx)XXX(xxxx)XXX(xxxx)XXX

Doflamingo was creepy and a revolting human being, Ace decided as he watched the man make his speech to his followers. Ace really, really couldn't imagine what his people saw in him.

Then the Shichibukai mentioned his little brother, and for the first time in years Ace felt something other than dull acceptance and screaming mad frustration.

The blood froze in his veins when he heard Luffy's name.

"If he learns about this… Strawhat Luffy will definitely try to obtain it." A laugh, as weird and disturbing as the man himself.

All thoughts of acceptance and making peace with his fate flew out of the window when that _bastard_ revealed his grand plan to lure Ace's little brother to him. By using _Ace's own Fruit._

While Ace was unbearably glad to finally have confirmation that Luffy survived the battle at Marineford, his chest was too full with seething fury to feel it.

"Over my dead body, you goddamn _asshole_!" he shrieked in the Shichibukai's face. _"You won't touch a single hair on his head, you hear me?!"_

No one heard him of course, even when he aimed kicks and punches at their heads, trying to kill them even though he was nothing but a ghost. Ace raged long and hard and loud, worse than the worst of New World storms, even though he _knew _there was nothing he could do.

He was dead after all.

The dead couldn't touch the living. No matter how much the living deserved to have their faces punched to mush.

Ace _screamed. _Grief and fury poured from him in the form of ear-shattering sound that should have made people cover their ears and curl up in pain. It should have triggered the power that had once made adults drop like flies before the helpless rage of a young boy, but which he had never managed to activate again while he lived.

Doflamingo just kept talking.

Ace screamed and screamed and screamed again, having no body that could run out of air, nor a voice that could break or shatter.

It did nothing to relieve the pressure that burned like magma in his chest.

XXX(xxxx)XXX(xxxx)XXX(xxxx)XXX

Burgess. _Motherfucking Jesus Burgess was in the game to win his Devil Fruit._

And not just that. Ace had no idea how nobody recognized him, but his little brother was right there in the arena along with all the other contenders of the C block. Wearing a beard and sunglasses as his disguise of all things, and a floral shirt that reminded him way too much of their grandfather.

His little brother truly had awful taste.

And absolutely zero sense of self-preservation, that too.

"Idiot!" Ace shouted fruitlessly. "Get away! Why don't you ever get that things are a _trap_, you stupid moron!"

Luffy – or _Lucy _as he was calling himself now, and really what was up with that? No, wait, Ace knew. Stupid idiot almost gave himself away on the fly, didn't he? – failed to hear his brother entirely, instead fighting with a ferocity and determination Ace had rarely seen before. Not quite as intense as he once had at Marineford, for which Ace could only be grateful, but still too close to it for his older brother's comfort.

Ace gritted his teeth and clenched his fists and had no choice – _no choice at all _– but to watch his little brother risk his life for a memento Ace couldn't care less about right now.

He had no wish for the Mera Mera no Mi to end up in the hands of any of the other contenders, but right now Ace would give _anything _to get Luffy away from Doflamingo's trap and a confrontation with a member of the Blackbeard Pirates.

_Why can't he understand I want him to _live_?!_

XXX(xxxx)XXX(xxxx)XXX(xxxx)XXX

Ace snarled, twisting and turning fruitlessly against the invisible threads that kept him from straying too far from his Fruit. That fighter- the one that dared call himself Lucy… That wasn't Luffy!

_Who had taken the place of his little brother?!_

He bared his teeth, anger and hate personified, and yet as hopelessly impotent as the weakest of breezes. Never had his Devil Fruit felt more like a curse. Not even ending up in the hands of Doflamingo could compare. Not even knowing _his _Fruit was used as bait for his brother measured up. Not even thousand-times-cursed Burgess showing up could match the sheer incandescent _fury _that coursed through him at the sight of this impersonator.

Luffy would never have given up his place here. Never in a million years. His little brother was stupid enough to risk his life a thousand times to retrieve something that had been precious to Ace. And this was his _Devil Fruit._ It had literally been part of his very being for years.

There was no way Luffy would have given up on winning it here. Not willingly.

If Ace ever got the chance, he was tearing this bastard apart piece for piece.

Ace was forced to watch, as the man who claimed to be Luffy held his own against the other finalists.

Ace was forced to watch, as the man who claimed to be Luffy shattered the platform on which the contestants were fighting.

Ace was forced to watch, as the man who claimed to be Luffy broke apart the box that held his Fruit with his bare hands and ate it.

Ace was forced to watch, as the man who claimed to be Luffy used Ace's own signature move to wipe out his pursuers.

Ace howled his fury to the sky. Something seemed to have changed, but Ace didn't pay it any attention. He barely noticed that he was no longer dragged along by the Mera Mera no Mi. Instead he was actively pursuing the one who had eaten it.

_I won't forgive you I won't forgive you I won't forgive you-!_

_I won't. _Ever._ Forgive you!_

_What have you done to my little brother!?_

XXX(xxxx)XXX(xxxx)XXX(xxxx)XXX

Ace stood, stunned. His fury halted in the face of impossible words.

_No… that can't be…_

And yet…

"_-Strawhat Luffy. He's my younger brother!"_

No… No, that was _impossible…_

"Sabo?" A single word, small and broken and helpless, and ignored as he had come to expect.

_Sabo… You… You were alive?_

XXX(xxxx)XXX(xxxx)XXX(xxxx)XXX

It _was_ Sabo. It really was. Alive and older and _here._

Ace didn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed when Sabo utterly failed to notice him bawling his eyes out in happiness. If Ace had been able to touch Sabo at all, he might have done a Luffy and done his best to wrap his brother in the best octopus hold he could manage.

He _was _disappointed that Sabo didn't hear him even after eating the Mera Mera no Mi, but at this point, Ace was willing to accept it. He was just. _So glad _Sabo was alive.

The entire time, Ace could not help hovering over his living!brother's shoulder. Nearly vibrating with impatience and pent up emotion he could not relieve.

Sabo was here. _Sabo was here. _Sabo was _right here!_

Ace couldn't really believe it yet, but Sabo was here, right in front of him.

Sabo had become incredibly strong, to be able to take on Burgess and Admiral Fujitora in short succession. Nothing like the noble his parents had wanted him to become. He did not win against the Admiral, but his fighting prowess was truly impressive.

It was too bad that Sabo didn't hear Ace cheer for him when he taught that sonofabitch Burgess a lesson. Sabo also didn't hear Ace bitching how he should just have finished Burgess off.

Nevertheless, Ace was so _proud._

Ace wished he was still alive, so he could test Sabo's skills with his own.

But one question still remained: _How _was Sabo here, alive?

Why did he only return now, when Ace was already dead?

Ace watched and wondered, with a cold feeling resting like a clawed demon in his chest, while disbelief and joy fought like fierce dragons beneath his skin.

XXX(xxxx)XXX(xxxx)XXX(xxxx)XXX

It took longer than Ace liked – well past the whole insane battle, in fact – before anyone thought to ask what Ace had been demanding to know the answer to ever since he had recognized his brother.

The answer was not what he expected.

"I didn't remember, after the accident," Sabo said, soft and regretful and so full of guilt that it was like a punch to the gut. "Amnesia. There was just this… complete _blank_ after I woke up."

Then, even softer. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to forget you or Ace, Luffy."

Ace froze.

Around him the conversation continued, but Ace barely noticed.

Slowly, Ace let himself relax, a reluctant smile pulling at his lips. Ah. So _that _was why. Stupid Sabo, losing his memories like that.

Ace allowed himself for a moment to wish, desperately, that Sabo's memory had been triggered earlier. Ace had gotten himself in the newspaper often enough after all. Picture included. And Luffy too had made plenty of appearances. If only Sabo had seen them _sooner_…

But a moment was all he allowed himself, because this- This was alright. Maybe things could have been better, and maybe his heart ached so fiercely for all the lost chances that if felt like it was full of brittle, cutting shards of glass, but if his death ensured that his brother returned to Luffy's side… Ace could be at peace with that.

He sighed, and for all the heartache, there was relief there too. He felt lighter than ever, and something, deep inside him, finally let go, like a lock clicking open at the turn of a key. The world slowly started to fade around him.

Ace smiled then, even when tears blurred his vision, and tried his best to brand the tableau into his memory. Sabo and Luffy, together once more. Injured, yes, exhausted, yes, but _together._

Sabo's eyes were soft and filled with guilt as he watched their little brother. Even after all these years, Ace could still read the protectiveness and determination in the set of his brother's shoulders.

It was all he really needed.

"Alright, Sabo,"he said softly, wishing that, for once, _just once,_ someone would hear him. That Sabo would hear his voice and know Ace was okay with this. That he was so, so glad his brother came back, even though he was far too late to meet Ace again…

But even if Sabo didn't hear, _couldn't _hear, Ace knew he could trust his brother to carry out his will. What they wanted was the same thing, after all. "I leave him to you then. Please look after our little brother… And stay safe too, you idiot. No more blowing up, okay?..."

A final sob, cheeks aching from the strain of smiling, stained wet with the tears he wished he could have shared with his brothers.

_I'll be waiting for you two._


End file.
